Dear Esty

Dear Esty,

Forgive me for taking so long to write but knowing that you understand......

Since you have left us I can not stop thinking how much I miss you.

I think of your beautiful and gentle smile that communicated such friendship, thoughtfulness and understanding. I remember our recent conversations, your cute giggle and genuine interest what was going on in my life and my families lives.

I will always treasure those memories of how you came to visit on Shabbat afternoons with your kids, I always looked forward to your company. Whenever i called you, you made me feel good and appreciated .

I have always treasured the letter you wrote to me when we moved , and over the years I have reread it many times. Your beautiful style of writing touched me more then words can say .

I am sure that upon high your imploring for the well being of your dear husband and wonderful children.

I still can not believe I am writing this to you .

Please Esty beg Hashem to finish, this way to long, Galus and we will be reunited with you again .

Lots of love 

Nechomale  

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Dear Rubin Family,

I don't know why it took me so long to write, maybe the pain was just too fresh, or maybe the reality is taking a long time to sink in.

I enjoy reading through the blogspot, although I couldn't do that for long, because tears, kept blurring my vision.  I feel like Devorah Leah wrote out the way we all feel, in her heartfelt poem. 

Although I wasn't able to make it to the Shiva, or to the shloshim,  Esty has been on my mind every day.  My baby's bris and Avraham Tzvi's bris were on the same day.  When I look at my Yisrael and think that he has a cousin the same age, without a mother, it tugs painfully at my heart, tears come to my eyes, and even more so when I think of her  other children.  Then I stop myself from getting caught up in those sad depressing feelings and I remember her smile. 

I remind myself that I am a mother, and today I have a gift and an opportunity  to smile at my children, and to let them know that I'm there for them.  I want to make the most of this precious opportunity.  I know that that's the way Esty lived. Although I may get caught up in other details, this is all that really matters.  I remember Esty well, and very warmly.  We were the two "big" frum girls in Albany.  I remember walking through those long white hospital halls  with Esty and my sister Aidel to deliver challah, a flower and some Jewish reading material to the Jewish patients there.  We must've been really young going in on own, but it was something we always looked forward to doing.  I also remember that before I went to my first summer in Camp Emunah, I was very excited because Esty would be there. Then I found out that I was going to be in Tiny tots ( that's how it was called then) and she would be in Big Emunah.   Esty told me not to worry and that she'd come to visit me on Shabbos.  It turned out that I was very homesick, and didn't know anybody there.  True to her word, Esty came on Shabbos to visit me, and that made me feel so much better.  In fact that's the only thing I remember from that whole summer experience.  I have some memories of  us spending those long shabbos afternoons, at our house or hers playing Uno games , playing on the bunk beds, and of course, laughing a lot. 

When I think of Esty, I know  that she was someone who never told people what to do, the proper way to act, dress, etc  Rather she herself was the Leibidige Beishpile- a living example of a proud frum, chassidishe woman, mother and wife.  Looking at Esty spoke volumes, She encompassed the concept of kol Kvudah bas melech pnima.  Simchas Hachaim.  I reminds me to do less talking and more being.  Actions speak louder than words.

May Hashem dry off our tears and make this separation be a very short one.  May we be reunited with Esty really soon with Moshiach, 

Love,

Fruma (Chanowitz) Rosenberg
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Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I sit down to reflect on Esty's life, impact, and the family left with the empty place of a queen isn't here anymore, and whose place can never be filled.

Esty, as I read your diary, a diary that we shouldn't be reading until 87 years from now, with many more entries; those of your son's Upsherin, Bar/Bas Mitzvah's, watching your daughters and sons grow up, dealing with Shidduchim,becoming a grandmother...I find myself seeing the world for the first time through your aidel, beautiful, positive, caring, and gracious eyes.

Although you are one of my older cousins, I got to know that you never wanted respect, attention, or admiration.  But, as you said in your speech at the Kinus, you felt the responsibility to be a role model from a young age, and at 33 years old, you left us all irrevocably inspired by who you were during your painfully short time with us.

Being that its just past Rachel Imenu's Yortzeit, I'm thinking of how you'll continue to watch over your children.  Devorah Leah told me of how much you spoke to your children about your siblings, making sure the physical distance didn't keep them from being close to their aunts and uncles.  Now, we will all have to do the same for you, continuing to help them stay close to you, speaking about you, and continuing to give your love to them.

Zaidy Rubin A"H imparted his children, Yisroel, Rachel, my mother, Sara'le, and grandchildren with the feeling that we're one small family unit.  Tanta Rachel, Uncle Yisroel, Mendel, and dear cousins, I know I speak for all my aunts, uncles and cousins, when I say that we're broken and shattered by your pain, and you are always in our hearts and our thoughts.

Rachel Federman (Chanowitz)