My classmate Esty!

Esty was my classmate, and a special friend.   We studied together, went to class farbrengens together, and enjoyed chuckling in class together.  Esty always had a sweet smile on her face.  She was not much of a "talker."  Everything she said had a genuine purpose, i.e. to help a fellow classmate. Not only did she lend out her notes to anybody and everybody who would need them, she also gave countless hours to students who needed a little extra help.  When I close my eyes and think of Esty, I can almost hear that genuine soft spoken voice.  She would not argue.  There was no time for that.  She was simply put, a true tzadeket...pure, simple, and a great accumulation of Mitzvos.

Esty, I miss you

and your lovely smile.

May your Neshama have an Aliya

Love,

DL Kaufmann

-----

Shalom Rubin and Cohen Families,

I learned with Esty, a"h, in Bais Chana seminary in Tzfas. As many have said before me, what I especially remember about Esty is her exceptional aidelkeit, her refined behavior, and her sweet smile. Though Esty was very, very bright, she did not flaunt her talents in any way. She was always tznius and Chassidish and focused on doing the right things the right way. I attached a picture of Esty from that year we learned together.

I would like to let you all know that a few women in the Tzfas English speaking community organized a young mother's support group l'ilui nishmas Esty. In the first meeting, twenty women participated, k"y. There is a really wonderful achdus happening. The group reads a chinuch article and discusses personal challenges, followed by a constructive goal planning session. The group plans to meet every 3 or 4 weeks, providing support, encouragement, and practical application of chinuch methods for many young families. IY"H this will bring much nachas and zchus to Esty.

It has been so uplifting and humbling to read the essays that Esty wrote and have been posted online. Thank you very much for making these public.

May your families know of only good health and happy occasions, and most of all, may Moshiach come right now!

Sincerely,

Dinka Kumer

Dear Esty

Dear Esty,

Forgive me for taking so long to write but knowing that you understand......

Since you have left us I can not stop thinking how much I miss you.

I think of your beautiful and gentle smile that communicated such friendship, thoughtfulness and understanding. I remember our recent conversations, your cute giggle and genuine interest what was going on in my life and my families lives.

I will always treasure those memories of how you came to visit on Shabbat afternoons with your kids, I always looked forward to your company. Whenever i called you, you made me feel good and appreciated .

I have always treasured the letter you wrote to me when we moved , and over the years I have reread it many times. Your beautiful style of writing touched me more then words can say .

I am sure that upon high your imploring for the well being of your dear husband and wonderful children.

I still can not believe I am writing this to you .

Please Esty beg Hashem to finish, this way to long, Galus and we will be reunited with you again .

Lots of love 

Nechomale  

------

Dear Rubin Family,

I don't know why it took me so long to write, maybe the pain was just too fresh, or maybe the reality is taking a long time to sink in.

I enjoy reading through the blogspot, although I couldn't do that for long, because tears, kept blurring my vision.  I feel like Devorah Leah wrote out the way we all feel, in her heartfelt poem. 

Although I wasn't able to make it to the Shiva, or to the shloshim,  Esty has been on my mind every day.  My baby's bris and Avraham Tzvi's bris were on the same day.  When I look at my Yisrael and think that he has a cousin the same age, without a mother, it tugs painfully at my heart, tears come to my eyes, and even more so when I think of her  other children.  Then I stop myself from getting caught up in those sad depressing feelings and I remember her smile. 

I remind myself that I am a mother, and today I have a gift and an opportunity  to smile at my children, and to let them know that I'm there for them.  I want to make the most of this precious opportunity.  I know that that's the way Esty lived. Although I may get caught up in other details, this is all that really matters.  I remember Esty well, and very warmly.  We were the two "big" frum girls in Albany.  I remember walking through those long white hospital halls  with Esty and my sister Aidel to deliver challah, a flower and some Jewish reading material to the Jewish patients there.  We must've been really young going in on own, but it was something we always looked forward to doing.  I also remember that before I went to my first summer in Camp Emunah, I was very excited because Esty would be there. Then I found out that I was going to be in Tiny tots ( that's how it was called then) and she would be in Big Emunah.   Esty told me not to worry and that she'd come to visit me on Shabbos.  It turned out that I was very homesick, and didn't know anybody there.  True to her word, Esty came on Shabbos to visit me, and that made me feel so much better.  In fact that's the only thing I remember from that whole summer experience.  I have some memories of  us spending those long shabbos afternoons, at our house or hers playing Uno games , playing on the bunk beds, and of course, laughing a lot. 

When I think of Esty, I know  that she was someone who never told people what to do, the proper way to act, dress, etc  Rather she herself was the Leibidige Beishpile- a living example of a proud frum, chassidishe woman, mother and wife.  Looking at Esty spoke volumes, She encompassed the concept of kol Kvudah bas melech pnima.  Simchas Hachaim.  I reminds me to do less talking and more being.  Actions speak louder than words.

May Hashem dry off our tears and make this separation be a very short one.  May we be reunited with Esty really soon with Moshiach, 

Love,

Fruma (Chanowitz) Rosenberg
-----

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I sit down to reflect on Esty's life, impact, and the family left with the empty place of a queen isn't here anymore, and whose place can never be filled.

Esty, as I read your diary, a diary that we shouldn't be reading until 87 years from now, with many more entries; those of your son's Upsherin, Bar/Bas Mitzvah's, watching your daughters and sons grow up, dealing with Shidduchim,becoming a grandmother...I find myself seeing the world for the first time through your aidel, beautiful, positive, caring, and gracious eyes.

Although you are one of my older cousins, I got to know that you never wanted respect, attention, or admiration.  But, as you said in your speech at the Kinus, you felt the responsibility to be a role model from a young age, and at 33 years old, you left us all irrevocably inspired by who you were during your painfully short time with us.

Being that its just past Rachel Imenu's Yortzeit, I'm thinking of how you'll continue to watch over your children.  Devorah Leah told me of how much you spoke to your children about your siblings, making sure the physical distance didn't keep them from being close to their aunts and uncles.  Now, we will all have to do the same for you, continuing to help them stay close to you, speaking about you, and continuing to give your love to them.

Zaidy Rubin A"H imparted his children, Yisroel, Rachel, my mother, Sara'le, and grandchildren with the feeling that we're one small family unit.  Tanta Rachel, Uncle Yisroel, Mendel, and dear cousins, I know I speak for all my aunts, uncles and cousins, when I say that we're broken and shattered by your pain, and you are always in our hearts and our thoughts.

Rachel Federman (Chanowitz)

The Little Room

An entry from one of Esty's recently found journals. (Written between ages 12-15)

Chap 32 (80-84) “The Most Interesting Place I Went To – The Little Room”

You asked us to write about the most interesting place we’ve ever been to. Some girls will write about exotic places and faraway lands. I don’t have to go very far. Just down to my basement, right past the hallway and across the Pesach Kitchen, is what we call “The Little Room.”

My father’s little room is lit by a small light-bulb hanging from a string from the ceiling in the basement. My father is a Rabbi, but not just the shul kind, he’s a Chabad Shliach that has almost every job in the world, as long as it will help bring another Jew closer to Yiddishkeit.

This little room is full of my father’s gimmicks. There are big Shabbos candles made of wood, and dreidels that light-up and spin around on record-players. There are big round smiling Matzos for Pesach, and beautiful Menorahs for Chanukah. Oh, and there are stickers! Rolls and rolls of them… Some say to Eat Kosher and have a delicious hot pizza on them, others say Learn Torah – it’s the real thing! Some stickers say to buy a letter in the Torah.

It’s a small room and it always seems that there’s never any more room. But when it gets too cluttered in Tatty’s office upstairs, and Mommy says it’s time to throw things out, my father gives us things to take down to the little room.

A magazine, a calendar, or a bookmark... He’s always spreading these stuff out on tables and sorting them.

Oh! The little room! You can spend hours in the little room. You can sit on boxes and open file cabinets and read things. You can browse through albums with pictures from years back when Chabad still had a Kosher hotdog cart! I peel off the stickers, read a cute article and pull out buried stuff…

There are miniature Sukkahs and exhibits from Jewish fairs. Over on the right are big walls made of wood. One is a painting of the Kremlin, the other of the Western Wall. I just sit there at night, I look through the papers and articles. I read on and on… it’s so interesting.

You can dream away, and imagine all kinds of things. It’s like a world for itself. Our little room. A miniature world about Jewish things. It’s not a book or a sefer, but it is full of ideas how to teach what it says in the Torah to other people who can’t read black and white. They like to see things colorful, full of life and fun. Like the things in the little room. Just to make Jews love their Yiddishkeit…

Shlichus Starts Young

From a Talk by Esty Rubin (later Cohen) at the Kinus HaShluchos, as a daughter of Shluchim

Everyone in this room is a Shlucha. You all know good and well, what Shlichus really means. Not just from the newspaper. Not just from a book, or even a Sicha. You know about Shlichus firsthand, from your everyday lives.

You know Shlichus, because you live Shlichus. That says a whole lot more than any speaker can. I was asked to speak about the Zechus of being a Shlucha. Here I am among many hundreds of Shluchos. So what more can I say, just add words?

Shlichus is a dedication. A lifelong commitment. lt’s easy to speak about it, but it is a lot more than words can say. Talk is cheap, but actions speak louder than words.

The most powerful and meaningful statement about the Rebbe’s Shlichus are each and every one of you. The Shluchos. The Shluchos themselves. What more can I add? What more can I say?

Some of my friends here in New York, think that Shlichus is exciting and glamorous, and full of fun. After all, you live in a new place, meet different people, do exciting programs, see yourself in the newspaper, and everyone thinks you’re special.

I’m just a young girl. But I’m old enough to know that Shlichus is not just a bed of roses. It isn’t all that easy, and there are always new, hard, challenges at every step of the way. There are many sacrifices to make. Many sacrifices, both spiritual and material. You have to give up many personal comforts. It can be very hard to be a Lubavitcher where everyone else is different. The Chinuch isn’t always what you want for your own children, and it’s hard to send kids away from home.

I was the only one my age at school, and there were very few girls to be friends with. Now I’m in Bais Rivka, with so many girls, it’s hard to imagine life back home. I remember it was very lonely.

Still it was so special. Being the oldest girl is a big responsibility, everyone looks up to you, and learns from you. I’d help my mother in her Shlichus with all the people who came to our home. Each Friday I would take a younger girl along, and we would visit Jewish patients in the local hospitals.

With a flower, a Challah, and a friendly cheer, we`d wish them a Good Shabbos. So many people remembered us; we learned that a little smile can go a long way.

Other people don’t think as we do, and we have to be fine examples to show them the way. Not everyone wants to listen to what we have to tell them. It can be frustrating selling diamonds when people think you‘ve got coal.

When my family first moved to Albany, people actually bet money that we wouldn’t stay. Go back to Brooklyn, they said. But stay we did, and those people lost their bets. Actually that was my father’s very first fund-raiser. We showed them that with the Rebbe’s Kochos, we can thrive anywhere. And help others grow too.

Lubavitch is no longer in the woods of Vitebsk. We live in America. We’re on a Shlichus all over the world. We must prepare the world for Moshiach. Moshiach isn’t coming just for a hand- ful of Chassidim in Crown Heights. It’s our job, our Shlichus, to make the entire world Eretz Yisroel.

It can be very difficult. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of Emunah, to rise above it all. And not just once. lf you jump into a fire ‘Al Kiddush Hashem’ that’s just once. But to live with Mesiras Nefesh, day in day out, — that is Shlichus.

What is the Zechus of being a Shlucha?

Zechus means a merit. There are a lot of merits. You leam to have courage, you leam to be strong, to make decisions, to speak out for Yiddishkeit. You find talents you never knew you had, developing and expressing yourself right, for the right things.

We have the Zechus of teaching Jewish children, caring for others more than for ourselves. We have many Zechusim. But the biggest Zechus is still coming. We now stand at the threshold of the greatest moment ever. The moment we waited for thousands of years.

l am just one young girl. To think that I had a part in Biyas Moshiach. I have a little share. I am one of the Rebbe’s Shluchim, one of Moshiach’s very own messengers, to prepare the world for Geula. I am so proud to be one of the soldiers who helped win this war. Zechus isn’t the word.

Ashreynu Ma Tov Chelkaynu! Me, just a young girl and l‘m the Rebbe’s Shlucha. The Rebbe’s very own messenger. Ashraynu, Happy our we! How joyous is our lot!

Rebbe, you chose me! You gave me a share!

Thank you Rebbe.

Queen Esther: The Person I Admire Most

 An entry from one of Esty's recently found journals. (Written between ages 12-15)

Queen Esther: The Person I Admire Most

The person I admire most is Queen Esther. She risked her life and saved her people, the Jewish people, from being destroyed by the wicked Haman in the land of Persia.

I admire her for her strength, modesty, humility and her faith.

Her strength – in keeping the Jewish people together and united to stay as a nation although the times were hard.

Her modesty – Although she was good looking and pretty, she did not show off her beauty.

Her humility – Although she was the queen at the palace, she did not show off to others.

Her faith – She kept the Shabbos. She had seven maids for each day of the week, so each would not know that Shabbos was different from her daily schedule. She still kept Kosher, only ate fruits, vegetables and seeds. She  trusted and had faith in Hashem that all is for the good.

Since I was also named Esther, I do my best to bring out her ideals and follow in her ways.

If I were Elected President

An entry from one of Esty's recently found journals. (Written between ages 12-15) 


If I were Elected President

If I were elected president, it would be pretty exciting! Imagine not only the 1st woman president but also the 1st Jewish President!!

First, I’d throw a party for all my friends. Everyone would be excited for me! Then everyone would give me advice on how to lead the country: 

Nechama Dina would advise that I should emphasize education strongly. The knowledge will guide people on the right path, away from crime, etc. it will give people jobs, happy family life, & surely better perspective on life itself. Education, Indeed, will cut down on Drugs,homeless, alcoholics ,& crime rate.

Chanie would offer: to develop & increase everlasting peace& tranquility throughout the world, in order that the world will become safe, and at peace with one another.

And now I would give my own idea: that although there needs to be a separation of church & state, religion in school should be applied, so that students will know & realize G-d. And they come to fearing G-d.and knowing that there is a G-d in this world, knowing that there is a boss over us, knowing that there is purpose in life, these all bring about the right values to a person in succeeding his/her proper goals in life.

A smiling mother

When I picture Esty I do see
A smiling mother embracing her child on her knee
So too we
Our children need to be
our first priority.
Once while I went shopping on the street
Esty I did meet
We stopped and had a little chat
about the shopping that we were out to get
with a shine in her eyes
she took me by surprise
That she does fresh shopping every day
to serve her husband in the best way
A fresh cooked meal for lunch she would prepare
For her and her husband to share
She had it all right
who was first in her life.
we too can learn and glean
what sholom bayis to us should mean
Her action spoke louder than words
Let's do more mitzvos for her zechus
Since every single act
can help bring Moshiach at last

Growing up in Albany

Growing up in Albany, NY, I always looked up to Esty throughout my elementary school years, for she was one of the only older girls here.  She was a role model for us, just by being her tznius, aidel self.

She used to take us every Friday to cheer up the Jewish patients in the hospital.  She never minded taking us along even though we were so much younger than her.  I clearly remember her contagious giggle that we heard so often.  She was always smiling and happy.

Even when she went away for High School, she was always happy to see us when she would come back to Albany to visit.  I am definitely davening a lot harder for Moshiach so that Esty will be back with us.  May he come right now!

Rivke Dubroff

Esty's Bas Mitzvah

My favorite memory of Esty was her Bas Mitzvah.  We were all so excited, our first Bas Mitzvah in Albany, since Esty was the oldest girl in the school at the time.  Esty was the first Bas Mitzvah girl who gave the women's shiur in the summer on Shabbos day. It was usually given by her mother, Rochel, or other women.   Even though she was always so quiet, Esty presented a beautiful shiur on the parsha!  She had such poise and spoke so beautifully.  My girls were 8 and 6 then, and I was so happy that they had Esty as a role model. 

Esty was indeed aidel, tznius, and always smiling!  I still smile when I remember her sweet laugh.  Although Esty didn't come to Albany much since she got married, we always were so thrilled to see her at family weddings with her very sweet children and her wonderful husband, Mendel. 

We will all miss her very much, but the most beautiful memories of Esty are kept alive by her exquisite writings that we are privileged to read.  What a gift for her children, and for us! 

Shayna Kudan

Rabbi Hecht Memories

From Esty's journal entry recently found, (written between ages 12-15)

Rabbi Hecht (Memories)
6 Av 5752 Wednesday August 5th 1992
....Today I wrote a “memory of Rabbi Hecht z”l article,” for his yartzeit is next Fri. & we’re sending some articles to the Jewish Press.

Here is the poem that I enclosed:
Rabbi Hecht was the Daddy of us all
He would run when someone would call
He would outstretch his hand
To all those in the land
He would jump, he would sing
One’s who heard him, their ears would ring
For he would help stop their hurting
To follow in his footsteps we shall try
& in this we’ll soar so high.

Here’s the article that I wrote:
Rabbi Hecht z”l, gave his heart to Camp Emunah. He touched,with great sincerity, the lives of many girls who were once lost & far from yiddishkeit.
No one will forget their warm atmosphere & fond memories and wonderful experiences spent at Camp Emunah with Rabbi Hecht.

On Fri nite, he would sing  עֲצַבֵּיהֶם, כֶּסֶף וְזָהָב;    מַעֲשֵׂה, יְדֵי אָדָם. He would jump when he would sing. He wanted to make others happy. We knew that he cared for each & every Jewish soul no matter how high or low it stood.

His entire life was giving. Giving his hand to carry another’s burden, giving his heart to one who needed someone to care, giving his smile to encourage, & giving over himself to whomever needed him.

We will continue his goal of giving of what we have to those who have little background of yiddishkeit; we will care for our fellow Jew.

“You can take girls out of Camp Emunah but you can’t take Emunah out of girls” is Emunah’s motto, meaning that a girl might leave Camp Emunah, but the spirit of Emunah will never leave her heart.

Esty’s wedding

Growing up, I always looked up to Esty for she was an older girl. She was always so put together, happy, and positive about everything. Whenever she would come and visit at school, I always liked to talk with her. She was so easy to get along with. She had no pretences or fakeness. She never looked down at me for being younger and for that I really admired her. 

Esty’s wedding was the first wedding I ever went too and I was so excited to go. When I saw her at the wedding, she was so beautiful and radiant. There was a long line of people waiting to wish her Mazel Tov. As I waited, I had so much to say but I knew this was her wedding day and I should just wish her Mazel Tov. When it was my turn to wish her Mazel Tov, she spoke to me as if she had all the time in the world.

That truly meant a lot to me.

Esty was such a beautiful person. For those who saw her on the outside saw a sweet, aidle, and kind girl. For those who knew her on the inside, knew how even more beautiful and special she really was.

Sincerely,

Sarah Aidel Calvo

Tzniyus...who we are

I met Esty in Teen Camp. For me, who felt like a stranger in a strange new land, being friends with Esty was so refreshing. We were both writers, but she took it more seriously and wrote for camp. I'm not sure if it was a camp newsletter, or something like that. But I really, really enjoyed her. She was fun, and funny, and cute, and creative, and unassuming, and smart. 

 

She never felt like she had to join the cool gangs, ever. But she was so nice to everyone. I wish I kept up with her. She was just so enjoyable, so real, so true. I am devastated by her passing, and just thinking about how her husband and parents and children suffer pains me so much.

 

I feel like remembering Esty is bringing a whole new level of tzniyus into the world, a level of tzniyus that doesn't just have to do with how we dress, but who we are.

 

Hashem should comfort Esty's whole family together will all aveilei tziyon.

 

Nechama Dina Smith

Esty's Diary

Dear Rabbi Rubin and Rochel,

It was a shock to hear about Esty and her tragic death, as many have written. 

I remember Esty as a little girl, when Rabbi Rubin would pick her up and place her on his lap during a women’s shiur after my Jonathan was born.  On and off the lap, as she pleased, with a patient Rabbi Rubin letting her absorb what she could at her own level for her own age.

I always wondered what she would look like when she became an adult.  She had those chipmunk cheeks of the Rabbi and his nose, and those gorgeous large eyes of Rochel.  Seeing her photo as an adult, now online, I behold a very beautiful woman.  More than that, I have read her diary, and her entries reflect how truly aidel she was.

Esty's vignettes reveal a young woman embracing life, but not just life in general...her particular life. When Rabbi Rubin was working to establish Chabad in Albany, he probably didn’t realize that the  “the little room” he had created as an office would evoke memories of enchantment that Esty described:

"Oh! The little room! You can spend hours in the little room…I just sit there at night, I look through the papers and articles. I read on and on… it’s so interesting…You can dream away, and imagine all kinds of things. It’s like a world for itself. Our little room. A miniature world about Jewish things."

And Rochel, so busy with children, the house, the school, still had time to become Esty’s “dearest friend.”  Wouldn’t every mother love to be depicted as Esty disclosed:

"I know I can trust her, so I tell her what is on my mind or what is bothering me…After I speak with her, I feel more calm in my situation…Maybe when I become a mother someday, I may also be a best friend to my daughters. I’m sure we will be close, sharing our secrets with each other. I will always be there to listen and to try to give advice…I feel proud to have a best friend like my mother!"

Certainly Esty inherited her father’s writing talent, and with it, she articulated the honor, love, and respect for her parents, so much so that she chose the same lifestyle for herself and her family:

"Ashreynu ma tov chelkaynu! Me, just a young girl and l‘m the Rebbe’s Shlucha. The Rebbe’s very own messenger. Ashraynu, Happy our we! How joyous is our lot!"

Rabbi Rubin once taught that you can’t teach a child about baseball by only reading the rules; you have to play the game.  The same is true of Judaism.

Rabbi Rubin and Rochel, you should be proud of yourselves that you created and fashioned a young woman as Esty Rubin Cohen, an Eyshes Chayil. Her diary will become as influential a book for Chassidus as “Anne Frank’s Diary” is for world peace.  Her online entries, I am sure, have already inspired many people.

As you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, please remember that you have family and friends who love you, and faith to comfort you.

.המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

With love and condolences to the entire family, indeed to the world,

Edie Abrams

A True and Complete Queen of Hashem.

Bh. Ad mosai!!!

My name is Tzippy Vigler and I am Esty's classmate. We were also together in Melbourne for Kollel. I got to know Esty's treasured personality.

Her name is an exact show of who Esty is! She is both a queen and aidel, a true and complete queen of Hashem.

We had a real example of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka in our class. Esty is a real treasure full of middos; Tznius, warmth, depth and tranquility!Kol kvuda bas melech penima!

I will be taking on an area in Tznius because of what Esty stands for to me.

Thank you for sharing Esty with us, may we be reunited with her in Moshiach's coming now!!!!

Ad mosai, In bitterness,

Tzippy Vigler

I keep thinking

Be Happy

From Esty’s Journal on becoming a staff member at summer camp

… getting into that place (camp as a staff member) was a parsha (saga) on its own. I didn’t know if I would go there. I wrote a P”an (letter to the Rebbe, after his passing) that I want to find out what to do for the summer, and that I want to be happy with where I go. I knew I was asking a little too much with the second thing, but it was important to me.

Being happy is one of the most important things, because you can have everything, but not be happy, and then what is it all worth? I knew I should just be happy that I find a place, and v’zehu. But the Rebbe can do a lot. A day later the girls (staff) said I could come! So you see that you don’t have to be afraid of asking too much.

At first I was with older kids, and then they wanted to change me to the 4th and 5th year olds. That felt like an insult, and I told them I didn’t want to. In the end, I changed, and I was very happy.  Yeridah Tzorech Aliyah (descent for the sake of an ascent)…

Come see Crown Heights!

Chapter 29 (72-75) Crown Heights (written in 1991 for a school travel essay)

Crown Heights is a busy place! People from all over the world come here – Israelis, Frenchies, English and more. Even from its name, “Crown Heights” is on top, the crown of the heights!  “What is so great about Crown Heights?” you may want to ask. Maybe if I will write four more pages of vivid detail you will begin to marvel at the “crown of the heights.”

First let us start with the Lubavitch community and the wondrous Lubavitcher Rebbe. Their headquarters are at 770 Eastern Parkway (the red brick building that serves as a shul for Lubavitchers, the Rebbe and to all Jews far and wide…) The Rebbe is very close to his people, the Chassidim. He guides them in the right path.

Every Sunday, the Rebbe gives out dollars, to men, women and children, each one individually receives a dollar and a blessing, too! The Rebbe gives a dollar to reinforce giving of Tzedakah. The Rebbe is really very special. It’s amazing how people from all over the world come to see him in 770, the so very crowded Shul.

The shopping avenue in Crown Heights is Kingston Ave. It’s bustling with activity; people are coming and going. There’s Raskin’s Fruit Store, the Pharmacist, the Floral Shop, the Shoe Store, Bookstore, clothing store, Women’s World, the Hat Place, the Library, and the Bagel Shop. There’s a nice Lubavitcher school for girls, here, too! It’s called Bais Rivka. (In fact I go there!)

Here the houses are closely attached, it may cause one to get claustrophobic. There’s not too much greenery either. But the warm atmosphere of Crown Heights makes up for all the slight inconveniences.

Crown Heights is a lively atmosphere: girls are laughing, women chatting, boys playing… People are open and friendly once you get to know them. As in most communities, there are all types of people. Some are outgoing, some shy; some talkative, some quiet; some are formal, and some are casual. You may meet creative people with interesting personalities. Crown Heights is an interesting place to visit. You will meet new people and experience another world.

Come see Crown Heights!

Dear Esty,

I miss you so much.

I could never have imagined that this could happen,
that my sister,
one
so unique and fine in her modesty,
so content,
so real in her happiness for others,
careful in doing mitzvos, big and small,
so accepting and non-judgmental,
so steadfast and secure in her beliefs
would now be far away.

It is so rare nowadays
in this world of falseness
to have a person so modest, so pure
untouched by anything wrong or improper
and yet who lived with values so sure,
above the rest

You were so proud of Mendel
and thought the world of him
what a special couple for us to see growing up
and your children
how you loved them
the many gifts you gave them will keep them strong.

You were proud of the things your siblings have done
you never needed to toot your own horn
you never expected anyone to hold by your standards
or to owe anything to you

I can truly say you lived a life that is dear by G-d
though in my eyes are tears
you were a beloved daughter,
wife and mother
friend and sister
granddaughter
in these too short years

I thought you'd always be there
your strong and soft self
so it never seemed a rush to call or write or fly
now I would a thousand times
but you're so far away.

So with love and stabbing pain
taking sides of my heart
and memories
of my beautiful older sister
of whom I cannot part
who taught us so many songs
was a great listener for me
whose values were real, not materiality
who laughed and cared
and surely brought this world to a better place,
I ask you to bring Moshiach,
I have never wished for it so much

You need to be back
so many important things you've left behind
we all agree
a mother should be
with her family
not somewhere far away

There is a big hole that used to be whole
in the hearts of many
and I know you are watching your husband and children
those beautiful people who had you
and until the day you're back again
a piece of you will be in them

I cannot stop missing you and I am going to do all I can to bring you back again.

Love, Devora Leah

Some Beautiful Thoughts on Crown Heights

From a Journal/Diary Entry of Esty

I always liked my home better than Crown Heights. Maybe it’s because it’s my home and I’m more comfortable there. Also, I don’t like the politics, the “Tznius issue” and in general the insensitivity.

Of course, the Rebbe being here makes Crown Heights a really special place. In 9th grade I really felt it. Unfortunately, that was the first Chof-Zayin Adar. I also had an excellent grade/class in school. I really enjoyed High School.

This is my sixth year in Crown Heights. In High School a lot of Friday Nights I would walk home and cry because I couldn’t stand how people were dressed to the kill. I was the little 9th grader coming from out-of-town Albany. In the beginning I always felt underdressed. You may wonder why I am saying all these negative things, if the title is “Some Beautiful Thoughts on Crown Heights.” But all this is an introduction.

On Selichos Night (1:00am) it was so unbelievable to see young and old all walking to Selichos at 1am. The first shul was packed, right then I changed my mind about Crown Heights. Look at all these busy mothers coming. Hashem, look at your children. How can you leave us without our Rebbe who led every step of our way. Everyone really means well, it’s just that peer pressure and circumstance makes it become otherwise.

The next event that was an eye-opener was the night before Erev Yom-Kippur. (Uncle) Yankel Yuzevitz took me and his kids to Kapores. The streets were blocked off. There was everyone from Crown Heights, Kapores-Shluggen. It just felt like Tishrei from the old times. I can’t describe the feeling. You just needed to be there to feel it.

The third inspiration was Yom-Kippur itself. I really wanted to go home, but it wasn’t really worth the money and the schlep, when I am going soon for Sukkos. I am so glad I stayed. Usually, I always went home for YomTov, because I am an out-of-towner and I wanted to go home.

I had a seat on Bubbe’s row, three rows from the front, in the first shul on the left, closest to the Aron Kodesh. I was sitting next to Aidel (Feigenson) Pinson. I worked with her in Long Island.

Many people had come for Tishrei. It was pretty squishy. Many of my classmates from Tzfas came, too. A Lubavitcher davening is beautiful and hartzik. The Lubavitcher Niggunim are also like that. But it so sad to see the Rebbe’s red chair staying there and just empty. Everyone was so temimusdik, it was just beautiful. The Duchening was also unbelievable. Neilah was really the climax.

At the end of Neilah, the sang a niggun, many times, over and over again. The Shofar blow really felt like the cry within each one of us, I felt we would finally break down the Galus walls.

As I was walking home at the end, I thought, Ashreynu that we are Lubavitch, I really had an experience this Yom-Kippur. I finally had found the beauty in Crown Heights after five years…

A Glimpse

The pain and tragedy of this loss is immense. It is indescribable in plain words.

Such a beautiful, pure soul.

A dedicated wife and mother.

A loving daughter, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter.

A wonderful sister, sister-in-law, cousin, and  niece.

A devoted shlucha.

The loss is being felt by so many!

 I got to know Esty in Bais Rivkah High School.

Although she was a few classes younger than me, and I didn’t know her that well personally, she always inspired me with her sweetness and sincerity.

Now, reading through her journals and writings, we merit to get a glimpse into this tremendous treasure that Esty truly embodied.

Her talk at the kinus hashluchos was so inspiring and so relevant today: “Shlichus is a dedication. A lifelong commitment. lt’s easy to speak about it, but it is a lot more than words can say. Talk is cheap, but actions speak louder than words.”

How true –Esty your life so embodied action, yet without all that extra fanfare….. actions speak louder than words!

Esty, we are in such pain because of your untimely loss- we have been jolted out of our golus dream and stupor. We feel the birth pangs of Moshiach so intensely now! And we are trying very hard to ‘keep on pushing’...We pledge to do whatever we can to  merit that time that we are all so desperately yearning for-

To have Esty be reunited once again with her dear family & friends- in good health & happiness-

with the Geulah haamitis v’hashlaima-NOW!!!!  

In tribute to Esty and her dedicated & loving erev-Shabbos hospital  visitations, we are iy”h strengthening our commitment to do just the same, on a regular basis in the local hospital in our neighborhood.

Bassie Gurary

Tehillim

My friend and I had come up to Albany to help out for Chanukah -there are so many memories and much inspiration of the two weeks spent in the Rubin's house. The total dedication to the Rebbe's shlichus was/is phenomenal.

Esty was about 5 and eager to share something special with me. Could I come to her room? I imagined a toy or doll or maybe an art creation that she would show me. No, it was something more precious - Esty was now "so good at kriah" that she could "really read tehillim". And she wanted me to listen as I sat beside her on her bed reading "a whole perek".

When she was done, with light shining in her already bright eyes, she gave the sefer a kiss and practically flew dancing to set it on the shelf! May we and our children, in her zchus, be inspired to say tehillim and fulfill every mitzvah with such awe, love, excitement, and care.

Be Well,

Esther Rena ( Reifsnyder ) Grossman

A True Bas Melech

Dear Rubin and Cohen Families,

I had the zchus to sit next to Estie in High School, we were in the same class every year in Beis Rivka. We were together in Seminary Tzfas. Her refined character was exemplary. She was a true bas melech, and truly penima- a true Esther and truly Aidel. Even though I was with her for so many years, her writings and life was always something I found intriguing because she kept so private.

Estie and I are the same age, we married around the same time, and our children are the same ages. I haven't been in touch with Estie although we would always exchange a few words when we would see each other at the kinus- which she attended last year. I made Challah and davened together with so many for her Refuah. That night I had a dream that I saw her, and she was walking away. Her face was shining, she looked so happy, free, and truly beautiful. The thoughts of her sudden tragic passing haunt me.

In her memory, my husband and I will Bez"h be starting a Gmach for new mothers and babies here in Philadelphia. We will Bez"h bl"n be delivering a package of basic needs- such as diapers, wipes, and perhaps a stretchie to the home before the baby comes home from the hospital. I think Estie would appreciate this. May her memory be blessed.

May Hashem give you Koach to stand through these difficult times.

Hamakom Yenachem Eschem Bsoch Shaar Avlei Tzion Veyerushalayim

Doba Weber (Bergstein)

I mamash feel for all of you. It's so not fair what Hashem had done! I remember...it was just yesterday when I would go with Esty to do the hospital visitations in Albany, or when she would come over to learn with us and teach us a sicha, and bring some Beis Rivka inspiration to us.

She was so real, always trying to be the best person possible, in a very quiet and tznius way. She had no "air" to her, very humble and aidle. She never talked about herself like most girls do.

How could Hashem have done this? She has a bunch of little kids and a newborn baby that needs her, and how is Mendel going to run the school without her!? I don't understand Hashem at all, but we must daven ever so hard for Moshiach! Ad Mosai!!!!!

Miriam Rav-Noy

Esty’s Face

At that moment Sarah walked by and told me. Tears were just running down my face. But then I began the shiur. I was teaching about the Gate of Love from the book “Orchos Tzaddikim”. Was this subject coincidence?

I met Esty only once, I think, it was Sukkot. All that I remember is her sweet face, radiating such unbelievable love. When I was teaching about love today, Esty’s face, reflecting her pure soul, was all the time in front me. She was with us right here.

All our love to you,

Hasia and Gershom

Esty

It's crazy how you can go so long without seeing someone, but still have such a clear memory of them and such a strong feeling towards them.  I can clearly see Esty's beautiful soft smile and hear her sweet voice.  

Even though my memories of her are back from when she was in Maimonades or when she was my counselor at camp, I am sure the person she turned into was even more sweet, beautiful, deep, kind and strong person than I remember her to be.  She was the kind of person no one could say anything bad about; the kind of person people only had praise for. 

I am so sorry your family is experiencing this unspeakable tragedy.  My heart and thoughts are with you and your family.   

.המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים

Sincerely,

Sara (Stark) Kalker  

"My" Esty

"My" Esty

The loss is beyond words. I grew up next to the Rubins in Albany, and babysat for them for years and years. I knew them from when their oldest boy Mendel was two. I saw Esty as an infant, as a toddler, a child, a youth...the Rubins were my second family, better than blood to me. Esty was the sweetest child, the loveliest girl, so beautiful and so special inside and out. Gentle and sweet. 

The loss is unthinkable. I have not seen her in years but I cannot stop crying. She was dear to so many, and grew up into such a wonderful woman. She did so much with her life. The whole Rubin family has been a source of such inspiration and love over the decades, and their children carried their legacy around the world. Love to the Rubins, and the Cohens, and may Esty's memory stay alive in all of us.

Shabbos Candles

From a Journal/Diary Entry of her brother Yossi's Bar-Mitzvah

Teves 19-21 5752 / Thurs-Shabbos Dec 26-28

Dear Diary,

At about 2pm, I went to deliver flowers, along with a card, a Challah roll, and of course, a smile to the Jewish patients at Albany Med. It felt good inside, to see that even some of the patients were appreciative (although some couldn’t show it) and it was good even to see the encouraging smile of the nurses. I couldn’t help it but feel proud that I could give them a taste of Shabbos/Yiddishkeit.

By the time I came back all the cousins were here… and it was almost Shabbos.

As I waved my hands 3 times around the Shabbos candles, I felt calm, peaceful, and full of warmth. No words can describe the wonderful feeling a girl / woman has, as she brings in Shabbos with the waving of her hands, and her soft and gentle Bracha. Just the experience says it all.

It was the time to realize the special and holiness of Shabbos. I looked beside me. Here was my cousin: Nechama Dina Piekarski, only a year younger than me. And there was another cousin Sossy Zaklos, just two years older than me.

How fortunate am I to have such a big family, ka”h, with so many cousins and close friends. These are the special people with whom we share our happy memories and even the sad ones. How fortunate am I! … I thought to myself.

Thank you for listening dearest diary, love always, Esty Rubin