My classmate Esty!

Esty was my classmate, and a special friend.   We studied together, went to class farbrengens together, and enjoyed chuckling in class together.  Esty always had a sweet smile on her face.  She was not much of a "talker."  Everything she said had a genuine purpose, i.e. to help a fellow classmate. Not only did she lend out her notes to anybody and everybody who would need them, she also gave countless hours to students who needed a little extra help.  When I close my eyes and think of Esty, I can almost hear that genuine soft spoken voice.  She would not argue.  There was no time for that.  She was simply put, a true tzadeket...pure, simple, and a great accumulation of Mitzvos.

Esty, I miss you

and your lovely smile.

May your Neshama have an Aliya

Love,

DL Kaufmann

-----

Shalom Rubin and Cohen Families,

I learned with Esty, a"h, in Bais Chana seminary in Tzfas. As many have said before me, what I especially remember about Esty is her exceptional aidelkeit, her refined behavior, and her sweet smile. Though Esty was very, very bright, she did not flaunt her talents in any way. She was always tznius and Chassidish and focused on doing the right things the right way. I attached a picture of Esty from that year we learned together.

I would like to let you all know that a few women in the Tzfas English speaking community organized a young mother's support group l'ilui nishmas Esty. In the first meeting, twenty women participated, k"y. There is a really wonderful achdus happening. The group reads a chinuch article and discusses personal challenges, followed by a constructive goal planning session. The group plans to meet every 3 or 4 weeks, providing support, encouragement, and practical application of chinuch methods for many young families. IY"H this will bring much nachas and zchus to Esty.

It has been so uplifting and humbling to read the essays that Esty wrote and have been posted online. Thank you very much for making these public.

May your families know of only good health and happy occasions, and most of all, may Moshiach come right now!

Sincerely,

Dinka Kumer

Dear Esty

Dear Esty,

Forgive me for taking so long to write but knowing that you understand......

Since you have left us I can not stop thinking how much I miss you.

I think of your beautiful and gentle smile that communicated such friendship, thoughtfulness and understanding. I remember our recent conversations, your cute giggle and genuine interest what was going on in my life and my families lives.

I will always treasure those memories of how you came to visit on Shabbat afternoons with your kids, I always looked forward to your company. Whenever i called you, you made me feel good and appreciated .

I have always treasured the letter you wrote to me when we moved , and over the years I have reread it many times. Your beautiful style of writing touched me more then words can say .

I am sure that upon high your imploring for the well being of your dear husband and wonderful children.

I still can not believe I am writing this to you .

Please Esty beg Hashem to finish, this way to long, Galus and we will be reunited with you again .

Lots of love 

Nechomale  

------

Dear Rubin Family,

I don't know why it took me so long to write, maybe the pain was just too fresh, or maybe the reality is taking a long time to sink in.

I enjoy reading through the blogspot, although I couldn't do that for long, because tears, kept blurring my vision.  I feel like Devorah Leah wrote out the way we all feel, in her heartfelt poem. 

Although I wasn't able to make it to the Shiva, or to the shloshim,  Esty has been on my mind every day.  My baby's bris and Avraham Tzvi's bris were on the same day.  When I look at my Yisrael and think that he has a cousin the same age, without a mother, it tugs painfully at my heart, tears come to my eyes, and even more so when I think of her  other children.  Then I stop myself from getting caught up in those sad depressing feelings and I remember her smile. 

I remind myself that I am a mother, and today I have a gift and an opportunity  to smile at my children, and to let them know that I'm there for them.  I want to make the most of this precious opportunity.  I know that that's the way Esty lived. Although I may get caught up in other details, this is all that really matters.  I remember Esty well, and very warmly.  We were the two "big" frum girls in Albany.  I remember walking through those long white hospital halls  with Esty and my sister Aidel to deliver challah, a flower and some Jewish reading material to the Jewish patients there.  We must've been really young going in on own, but it was something we always looked forward to doing.  I also remember that before I went to my first summer in Camp Emunah, I was very excited because Esty would be there. Then I found out that I was going to be in Tiny tots ( that's how it was called then) and she would be in Big Emunah.   Esty told me not to worry and that she'd come to visit me on Shabbos.  It turned out that I was very homesick, and didn't know anybody there.  True to her word, Esty came on Shabbos to visit me, and that made me feel so much better.  In fact that's the only thing I remember from that whole summer experience.  I have some memories of  us spending those long shabbos afternoons, at our house or hers playing Uno games , playing on the bunk beds, and of course, laughing a lot. 

When I think of Esty, I know  that she was someone who never told people what to do, the proper way to act, dress, etc  Rather she herself was the Leibidige Beishpile- a living example of a proud frum, chassidishe woman, mother and wife.  Looking at Esty spoke volumes, She encompassed the concept of kol Kvudah bas melech pnima.  Simchas Hachaim.  I reminds me to do less talking and more being.  Actions speak louder than words.

May Hashem dry off our tears and make this separation be a very short one.  May we be reunited with Esty really soon with Moshiach, 

Love,

Fruma (Chanowitz) Rosenberg
-----

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I sit down to reflect on Esty's life, impact, and the family left with the empty place of a queen isn't here anymore, and whose place can never be filled.

Esty, as I read your diary, a diary that we shouldn't be reading until 87 years from now, with many more entries; those of your son's Upsherin, Bar/Bas Mitzvah's, watching your daughters and sons grow up, dealing with Shidduchim,becoming a grandmother...I find myself seeing the world for the first time through your aidel, beautiful, positive, caring, and gracious eyes.

Although you are one of my older cousins, I got to know that you never wanted respect, attention, or admiration.  But, as you said in your speech at the Kinus, you felt the responsibility to be a role model from a young age, and at 33 years old, you left us all irrevocably inspired by who you were during your painfully short time with us.

Being that its just past Rachel Imenu's Yortzeit, I'm thinking of how you'll continue to watch over your children.  Devorah Leah told me of how much you spoke to your children about your siblings, making sure the physical distance didn't keep them from being close to their aunts and uncles.  Now, we will all have to do the same for you, continuing to help them stay close to you, speaking about you, and continuing to give your love to them.

Zaidy Rubin A"H imparted his children, Yisroel, Rachel, my mother, Sara'le, and grandchildren with the feeling that we're one small family unit.  Tanta Rachel, Uncle Yisroel, Mendel, and dear cousins, I know I speak for all my aunts, uncles and cousins, when I say that we're broken and shattered by your pain, and you are always in our hearts and our thoughts.

Rachel Federman (Chanowitz)

The Little Room

An entry from one of Esty's recently found journals. (Written between ages 12-15)

Chap 32 (80-84) “The Most Interesting Place I Went To – The Little Room”

You asked us to write about the most interesting place we’ve ever been to. Some girls will write about exotic places and faraway lands. I don’t have to go very far. Just down to my basement, right past the hallway and across the Pesach Kitchen, is what we call “The Little Room.”

My father’s little room is lit by a small light-bulb hanging from a string from the ceiling in the basement. My father is a Rabbi, but not just the shul kind, he’s a Chabad Shliach that has almost every job in the world, as long as it will help bring another Jew closer to Yiddishkeit.

This little room is full of my father’s gimmicks. There are big Shabbos candles made of wood, and dreidels that light-up and spin around on record-players. There are big round smiling Matzos for Pesach, and beautiful Menorahs for Chanukah. Oh, and there are stickers! Rolls and rolls of them… Some say to Eat Kosher and have a delicious hot pizza on them, others say Learn Torah – it’s the real thing! Some stickers say to buy a letter in the Torah.

It’s a small room and it always seems that there’s never any more room. But when it gets too cluttered in Tatty’s office upstairs, and Mommy says it’s time to throw things out, my father gives us things to take down to the little room.

A magazine, a calendar, or a bookmark... He’s always spreading these stuff out on tables and sorting them.

Oh! The little room! You can spend hours in the little room. You can sit on boxes and open file cabinets and read things. You can browse through albums with pictures from years back when Chabad still had a Kosher hotdog cart! I peel off the stickers, read a cute article and pull out buried stuff…

There are miniature Sukkahs and exhibits from Jewish fairs. Over on the right are big walls made of wood. One is a painting of the Kremlin, the other of the Western Wall. I just sit there at night, I look through the papers and articles. I read on and on… it’s so interesting.

You can dream away, and imagine all kinds of things. It’s like a world for itself. Our little room. A miniature world about Jewish things. It’s not a book or a sefer, but it is full of ideas how to teach what it says in the Torah to other people who can’t read black and white. They like to see things colorful, full of life and fun. Like the things in the little room. Just to make Jews love their Yiddishkeit…

Shlichus Starts Young

From a Talk by Esty Rubin (later Cohen) at the Kinus HaShluchos, as a daughter of Shluchim

Everyone in this room is a Shlucha. You all know good and well, what Shlichus really means. Not just from the newspaper. Not just from a book, or even a Sicha. You know about Shlichus firsthand, from your everyday lives.

You know Shlichus, because you live Shlichus. That says a whole lot more than any speaker can. I was asked to speak about the Zechus of being a Shlucha. Here I am among many hundreds of Shluchos. So what more can I say, just add words?

Shlichus is a dedication. A lifelong commitment. lt’s easy to speak about it, but it is a lot more than words can say. Talk is cheap, but actions speak louder than words.

The most powerful and meaningful statement about the Rebbe’s Shlichus are each and every one of you. The Shluchos. The Shluchos themselves. What more can I add? What more can I say?

Some of my friends here in New York, think that Shlichus is exciting and glamorous, and full of fun. After all, you live in a new place, meet different people, do exciting programs, see yourself in the newspaper, and everyone thinks you’re special.

I’m just a young girl. But I’m old enough to know that Shlichus is not just a bed of roses. It isn’t all that easy, and there are always new, hard, challenges at every step of the way. There are many sacrifices to make. Many sacrifices, both spiritual and material. You have to give up many personal comforts. It can be very hard to be a Lubavitcher where everyone else is different. The Chinuch isn’t always what you want for your own children, and it’s hard to send kids away from home.

I was the only one my age at school, and there were very few girls to be friends with. Now I’m in Bais Rivka, with so many girls, it’s hard to imagine life back home. I remember it was very lonely.

Still it was so special. Being the oldest girl is a big responsibility, everyone looks up to you, and learns from you. I’d help my mother in her Shlichus with all the people who came to our home. Each Friday I would take a younger girl along, and we would visit Jewish patients in the local hospitals.

With a flower, a Challah, and a friendly cheer, we`d wish them a Good Shabbos. So many people remembered us; we learned that a little smile can go a long way.

Other people don’t think as we do, and we have to be fine examples to show them the way. Not everyone wants to listen to what we have to tell them. It can be frustrating selling diamonds when people think you‘ve got coal.

When my family first moved to Albany, people actually bet money that we wouldn’t stay. Go back to Brooklyn, they said. But stay we did, and those people lost their bets. Actually that was my father’s very first fund-raiser. We showed them that with the Rebbe’s Kochos, we can thrive anywhere. And help others grow too.

Lubavitch is no longer in the woods of Vitebsk. We live in America. We’re on a Shlichus all over the world. We must prepare the world for Moshiach. Moshiach isn’t coming just for a hand- ful of Chassidim in Crown Heights. It’s our job, our Shlichus, to make the entire world Eretz Yisroel.

It can be very difficult. It takes a lot of guts and a lot of Emunah, to rise above it all. And not just once. lf you jump into a fire ‘Al Kiddush Hashem’ that’s just once. But to live with Mesiras Nefesh, day in day out, — that is Shlichus.

What is the Zechus of being a Shlucha?

Zechus means a merit. There are a lot of merits. You leam to have courage, you leam to be strong, to make decisions, to speak out for Yiddishkeit. You find talents you never knew you had, developing and expressing yourself right, for the right things.

We have the Zechus of teaching Jewish children, caring for others more than for ourselves. We have many Zechusim. But the biggest Zechus is still coming. We now stand at the threshold of the greatest moment ever. The moment we waited for thousands of years.

l am just one young girl. To think that I had a part in Biyas Moshiach. I have a little share. I am one of the Rebbe’s Shluchim, one of Moshiach’s very own messengers, to prepare the world for Geula. I am so proud to be one of the soldiers who helped win this war. Zechus isn’t the word.

Ashreynu Ma Tov Chelkaynu! Me, just a young girl and l‘m the Rebbe’s Shlucha. The Rebbe’s very own messenger. Ashraynu, Happy our we! How joyous is our lot!

Rebbe, you chose me! You gave me a share!

Thank you Rebbe.

Queen Esther: The Person I Admire Most

 An entry from one of Esty's recently found journals. (Written between ages 12-15)

Queen Esther: The Person I Admire Most

The person I admire most is Queen Esther. She risked her life and saved her people, the Jewish people, from being destroyed by the wicked Haman in the land of Persia.

I admire her for her strength, modesty, humility and her faith.

Her strength – in keeping the Jewish people together and united to stay as a nation although the times were hard.

Her modesty – Although she was good looking and pretty, she did not show off her beauty.

Her humility – Although she was the queen at the palace, she did not show off to others.

Her faith – She kept the Shabbos. She had seven maids for each day of the week, so each would not know that Shabbos was different from her daily schedule. She still kept Kosher, only ate fruits, vegetables and seeds. She  trusted and had faith in Hashem that all is for the good.

Since I was also named Esther, I do my best to bring out her ideals and follow in her ways.